Secret Revolutionary – The True Story of George W. Bush

When George Bush Jr. was a Yale undergrad back in the 1960’s he had a secret love affair with a beautiful and brilliant young woman. But this young woman, who we will call Tanya, was no spoiled sorority queen, but a leader of Yale SDS. George spotted her one day, striding across the campus, bull-horn in hand, bra-less and mini-skirted. He fell immediately in love – a love from which he would never recover and one that would change his entire life.

At first Tanya would have nothing to do with the seemingly mindless, shallow, frat-boy son of a CIA mass murderer, but George revealed his true self. He had learned early to hide his sensitivity and quick intellect from his ogre-like mother and cold distant father. Now with Tanya he opened up. She took to George, and thrilled at the possibility of winning him over to the side of the Revolution. Tanya explained to him the true nature of US imperialism and George holding his hand on her leather-bound copy of the Communist Manifesto swore to “expend every drop of blood, every breath, for the cause of World Revolution.”

George, of course, wanted to join SDS. Tanya wouldn’t let him. “We have enough snot-nosed little rich boys in our midst.” She said. “I have something better in mind for you!”
Tanya explained that with his family’s connections his old man could be president one day, which means George could, if he played his cards right, do the same. “Then you will have the Empire by the balls!” Then she told him the tough part. They must separate and never see each other again – for the good of the Revolution. George wept bitter tears, but agreed. They kissed goodbye and she whispered softly in his ear, “Remember Leon Trotsky.”

After graduating with a C minus from Yale (he had to do this to keep up the pretext he was a dumb-ass rich kid) he joined the Alabama Air Reserve. He did this as a way of resisting the Vietnam War of which he was a fervent opponent. George spent most of his time picking up cheap floozies, snorting coke and drinking bourbon as form of rebellion and as a way of dulling the deep pain he felt from the loss of Tanya.

After the Air Reserve, George Senior insisted that his son go into business and set him up in a number of oil companies. All of these George W. ran into bankruptcy as a protest against capitalism and as a middle index finger to his domineering father. But he did manage to make friends with the Bin Laden family, which proved to be of great import years later. George continued to drink and coke-up, for it was difficult for him to lead this double life – committed revolutionary socialist pretending to be a reactionary moron.

But the wait began to pay off. His father became Vice President, then President. George W began to make his move. He stopped boozing and coking, claiming he had found Jesus, but it reality it was because his plans were coming to fruition. Acting the part of a heartless brute, he got himself elected governor of Texas. He would cry at night at the thought of all the prisoners he was executing, but held his act together with the thought, “Well, Lenin says you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.”

All these years he had been studying (in secret of course) the works of the great revolutionaries. George knew what had to be done to destroy the Empire. First off, he had to create imperial over-stretch. Get the US military bogged down in many places at once that it becomes too costly and inoperable. He must run the USA into bankruptcy and destroy its industrial base. He must divide the US from its allies and unite the whole world against it. At home, he must unite the true-blue conservatives and the left against the Federal Government.

Finally George became – we wouldn’t exactly say elected – the President. He knew what to do – surround himself with crackpots and the most venal individuals he could find, to set everyone’s teeth on edge. The very dregs of the child-molesting, drug-dealing, money-laundering, stock-defrauding Washington Republicans were all put on the pay roll. From the very bottom of this human cesspool he dredged up Cheney and Rumsfeld, chuckling to himself as he wiped off the shit and mucus. A pair of clapped-out male crack whores called Pearly and Wolfi were picked up off one of the sleazier DC streets where they peddled their hemorrhoidal buttocks to visiting Labour MP’s and South America generals. “These two, I will make my court “intellectuals!” and collapsed into a paroxysm of laughter at his own cynical wit.

We all know what happened next. Osama and the boys (with a little guidance from the Mossad, who had their own agenda) made the WCT fall down and go boom. This was the signal for George to go into action. He sent the military into that bit of soldier fly paper called Afghanistan, where they remain stuck. Then, he bankrupted government finances by giving billions in tax cuts to the rich and ballooning the war budget. Next, war in Iraq, now possibly Iran as well. The Imperial spandex is about to bust. The whole world now hates the US government and its corporations. George W. created the biggest demonstrations in the world. Latin America is in flames and daily Bush’s useful idiots like Rumsfeld and Rice pour oil on it. .

George is truly a happy man. The World Revolution is underway. In his daydreams he thinks, “Marx, Engels, Lenin, Trotsky, BUSH.”